The lingering pain is normal.

So I have been neglecting this lately. Sorry to anyone who somehow enjoyed what I wrote.

Lately I have been in this state of mind that renders me in odd moods. I seem to be very annoyed with everything I do and nothing is satisfactory. This links to the whole I hate myself almost as much as I hate hippies and apple products. Small things start to annoy me at first, like the way I walk through a door. I start thinking crazy thoughts like, “Seriously? Could I have done that any fucking slower? Jesus fucking Christ pull yourself together!”. My cat usually will greet me with meowing of either joy or pure hate, I have yet to figure out which one it is, and thus annoy the fuck out of me for that. I start yelling at the cat with but it has little effect on him. He just meows and ends up purring and rubbing against my leg. At that point I am pretty sure he is mocking me.

With a feeling of defeat I will usually end up needing to attack someone to make myself feel better. This involves me finding some poor high school kid that has shitty self esteem and is easily bullied. The internet is full of those types of people. I can then launch a full out attack on the poor soul. Nine times out of ten I can get everyone else that is playing the game on that server to join in. Sometimes the kid leaves right away, most of the time they stay and cry about it. Usually ends up in a awesome event that leaves me a little more empty on the inside than before I began.

The cat shows up again to demand attention. Usually in the form of mauling, I think that is the only way he knows how to show love and appreciation. He must have learned that from my previous relationships. With the emptiness inside me I again go on a search of something to feel better. The feeling of loneliness is usually very prominent at this point. I will hit up cam whores and see if I can get some kind of sense of fulfillment. Instead they decide to talk to me about life issues or how something funny happened to them lately. This makes me hate my life even more and I no longer yearn to talk to them.

So basically whores and making fun of people no longer peak my interest as of late. I think I am dying, my cat probably senses this and will be awaiting patiently so he can eat my eyes.

Slacked a little after the fashion show, spent most of Sunday recovering from the night before. The show was eventful, models walking around with very little on. Unfortunately it only last like 20 minutes, they then got dressed and everyone started to dance. Now this is the first time I had been to a club so it was a very different experience than I am used to. I drank and simply looked at the mass of people dancing before I started “dancing”. Me dancing is more like a person having an epileptic seizure. Regardless it was a good time, someone got knocked the fuck out as well. Violence always makes me happy. After awhile of just standing by the bar and drinking I started to think back on the lingerie show.

Most of the girls were good looking, the others had weird things that just didn’t do it for me. My buddies fiancée had the best stage presence and by stage presence I mean she moved in a very seductive way where the other girls just kinda walked up stood there then turned around. I think the show would have been better if they also modelled sex toys as well. You know walk out in the lingerie with a butt plug in or nipple clamps on. That would have been really fucking awesome. One could come out on all 4s with a leash on and another chick whipping her to get moving. Oh the magical things that would happen if I was in charge of events like these. Speaking about sex toys, my friend got approved for the sex toy reviewing thingy. I really need to find a girl that will let me use toys on her to review them.

Got a call last night that there will be another model fashion show display thing or something. Needless to say I am going to go to this one, specially since its a lingerie show. So, a bunch of the areas hottest models wearing lingerie. Fucking win. My friend who is getting us in cause his girl is a model is also going to be attempting to hook me up with his cousin. She bar tends at the club that this is being held at, I am probably going to get alcohol poisoning. I think attempting to hook me up when there is a bunch of eye candy walking around is a bad idea. If I don’t convince her I that I am a perverted asshole by talking, I am pretty sure my actions will. We will have VIP access so will feel oh so important, even though I heard its not that great. I don’t fucking care, it will say VIP and that is what I am god fucking damn.

This also comes at a interesting time. I have alot of shit on my mind and thinking about it causes me to go into some massive depression. So I wonder how I am going to handle this event. I can only imagine what the liquor is going to do to me in my state. I will probably become a raving lunatic, despite people thinking I am already one. I wish I could go into greater detail about this, but there is parties involved and I feel that it just wouldn’t be right.

So this event might be a good thing, yet it also could be a bad thing. Regardless I will have a good story or a rant or I wont post a update cause I will be in jail. Depends if the whores can take a slap on the ass as a compliment and not as sexual assault.

My friend informed me the other night that she will be reviewing sex toys. Meaning she will be getting them free and all she has to do is talk about how it felt as she fucked herself with it. Now that sounds like a good deal for her and her fiancée, until she ends up with more toys than her kids. I started to think on how entertaining that would be if I signed up for it and then reviewed on how fun it is to use on girls. I would have to have new categories made up, ease of insertion, how much lube is usually required, how hard you can use it before she starts to cry and so on. I would also hunt for the scariest looking toys out there. Shit everyone is afraid to buy cause they think it will scare off their significant other. I would be a pioneer for these people let them know how much pain and/or pleasure a certain device will inflict upon a woman. I could also start up a porn site on the side, yeah it has been done before but not in my style. I am sure it would be a hit.

I think the best part of the whole experience would be her facial expressions. Getting ready to fool around or have a intimate moment then BAM, out comes a silicon monstrosity meant to violate her twice while stimulating 15 other areas. I don’t know if that toy exists, but I will be searching for it. Next best part would be if she enjoyed it. Then that’s just a whole new level of fun and entertainment.  Start a category for how many times she came while you assaulted her with it. Can she still walk after using it? Yes? 3 star rating maximum despite how well it did in the other areas. Unless it made her cry, then its 4 star.

Another category could be “Does this toy play well with others?”. Basically can you have one toy in her ass, a vibrator on her clit and fuck her with the toy without making her want to kill you. Could also have a “Does this toy help introduce her to anal?” category. That way people could see what toys work the best for preparing to get railed in the ass. This sounds more and more like a awesome idea. I need to get a girl that agrees with me on this, or maybe just some chloroform.

A while back my friend was bugging me that I need to have kids. She has 2 and want’s to have a little one around again, just not one of hers. I found it entertaining, asking me of all people to procreate. It usually is hard for someone to deal with me on “sees me once and awhile” basis let alone daily for the rest of their lives. So trying to find someone that would want to have my children would be next to impossible. That and imagine what the kid would be like. If it was a boy he would grow up hating the entire world attempting to take it over or he would be mildly retarded. If it was a girl she would be a whore and probably get knocked up around age 16 and be mildly retarded. I always imagine the whole scene where the girl finds out she is pregnant and tells the boyfriend/lover/whatever that she is with child to be slightly different for me. For instance, she would probably run to the closet and grab a coat hanger in an attempt to cleanse her body of the abomination that is growing.

I would like to have kids one day but it just seems to be far fetched. The whole concept of finding someone who would want to attempt to spend the rest of their life together with me is mind boggling. She would have to deal with random racial outbursts, yelling to get back in the fucking kitchen and my excessive use of the word cunt. What would be entertaining though is if some chick does have my kid in the baby oven, I would probably attempt to influence it right off the bat. You know how people put head phones on the pregnant woman’s belly and play classical music? Fuck that game, industrial will be played. That kid is going to kick his way out of the womb and be as metal as possible. Most likely would be a boy as my sperm would not allow me to have a girl. Kid would come out with a beard, cig in one hand and a glass of brandy in the other.

Depending on the current obsession I hold as the kid is growing up, I would try to mold him to end up a certain way. He wants a car when he turns 16? You gotta build it bitch. I would go find something that needs a serious amount of work and make him fix it up. Won’t get the ladies with a non running rusted pile of aids will ya, better get that engine rebuilt and a fresh coat of paint on it. Fucker would probably be lazy too, nothing a shock collar couldn’t fix. If he is doing bad in school I would beat him till his grades got better. Nothing like fear to motivate someone. Now that I think of it I really should work on getting a kid. If I can have a ton of kids I could build a small army. Then I could start my plans for world domination…

I just got a spam email with a subject that hit me hard. “You have little joy in life?” it said. I saw it and instantly went into a rage. Who the fuck does this piece of shit he is? I have joy in my life, I have more than enough joy! Actually it worried me, I franticly grabbed a piece of paper and started to write down the joys in my life:

• The chicks ass from the “Dat Ass” post.
• My penis.
• My computer and game systems
• …..

This is not going in my favour. Granted the joys in my life are pretty big to me, but the spambot was right, I have little joy in life. How the fuck could this have happened? I have to have more joys than this, I started to ramble off other body parts of the chick from the Dat Ass post, that probably should be consolidated to a single entry. I started to look through my facebook and other online profiles on forums, trying to find SOMETHING that I can consider a joy. Found my camera, added that. My cars, added those as well. The list was still small, I added my anger and perverse thoughts. Those are very valid joys in my life.

The list stopped growing after that. I started to panic, my co workers were already staring at me like I was possessed. One of them muttered “He is just sobering up. He will be fine when the shock wears off.”. My other co workers then agreed with him and did that whole, “Oh yeah, of course, damn alky” thing. I don’t know what is more disturbing, the fact that I was freaking out because of a spam message or that my co workers associated my panic attack to me sobering up and accepted that without flinching. Soon the waves of panic turned back to rage. I decided to respond to the message. I was going to inform that nosey cock sucker that I am content with my joys in life. So what if I consider some girls ass or my perverse thoughts a joy in life, you can go fuck yourself. You are nothing but a god damned bot or a beaten Asian child that is forced to write these things for pennies!

So fuck you spam message. You will not break me today, I will continue to live on just as I have!

That is all.

Friend was giving me shit about not having a new post up. Well, since I really don’t have anything to say that would be worthy of a blog post, I shall talk about her ass.

Her ass is what I would call a perfect 10. It’s firm, not too firm tho and just feels awesome when you squeeze it. The feel of my hand against her bare ass is beyond words. I could keep my hands on that ass forever and be content with life. When you give it a healthy slap it makes a wonderful sound, she does as well when she lets out a whimper of pain mixed with pleasure. The shape is amazing too, a nice round shape, not too big, not too small. Matched with her hips, it is a divine sight to behold. The thought of it makes me drool and become erect. If it wouldn’t ruin the beauty that it is I would brand it. Oh how the tone of her skin shines so nicely when the moon light hits it. I don’t have any pics for you guys so don’t ask, this one is all mine.

I can only imagine what she is thinking as she reads this. Probably a little disturbed, maybe a little wet. I guarantee that she won’t bug me about not making a post again though.

I get alot of flak from friends about my camera. I bought a Canon XL1 last year and it happens to be a common camera used in the porn industry. People have this interesting perception of me as a perverted and offensive person, so they continually ask if I make porn with that camera. I can tell you right now that I would be the worst porn director in the world. First off I get bored easily if something isn’t peaking my interest. Now sex peaks my interest, except when its boring same old sex. I like getting my dick wet, but when it comes to porn it needs to be interesting. Also when I make videos I try to make shit that will grab the audiences attention. With porn you shouldn’t have to do much except have a chick getting railed, but in my world it needs to be more or I feel like I failed as a director.

One of the first acts would have to be rough sex. Now I don’t mean like rough give it to her hard rough. This bitch would need to have her hands tied behind her back and enjoy getting hit. Not everyone will enjoy this, but it will be so in your face action packed they wouldn’t be able to turn away. She would need to cry as well, make it look genuine, oh no shes being abused! Probably could add some whips in there, some hair pulling and nipple pinching to the point of almost ripping them off. OH, some choking as well, lack of oxygen enhances the sexual experience. Of course we would have to have some anal in there as well. She has to like anal, but not when it is inserted without her knowing and inserted with much force.

On to the music. Porn music is getting old. How many times can we listen to that same 70s style beat? I would add some industrial metal, get the mood on par with what is about to happen. Maybe some Ministry or Static-x, I guess I would have to try out a couple songs to see which fit the bill. The camera would also have to flow with the music. Imagine a matrix style fight scene without the bullet time and with sex. Pan from her getting it in the ass while being choked to her tear filled face. The guy would then have to say something like, “I told you I would make you cry your makeup off”.

So there you have it, a porn film by me would be 2 hours of violent sex, crying and out of place camera shots. I am sure there is porn like this already, but I haven’t found it. If I do, it will be added to the same collection as the bamboo stick scene.

Crown and Mountain Dew is pretty much an awesome drink. Seems like it isn’t helping me sleep tho..