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Imagine more of me around.

A while back my friend was bugging me that I need to have kids. She has 2 and want’s to have a little one around again, just not one of hers. I found it entertaining, asking me of all people to procreate. It usually is hard for someone to deal with me on “sees me once and awhile” basis let alone daily for the rest of their lives. So trying to find someone that would want to have my children would be next to impossible. That and imagine what the kid would be like. If it was a boy he would grow up hating the entire world attempting to take it over or he would be mildly retarded. If it was a girl she would be a whore and probably get knocked up around age 16 and be mildly retarded. I always imagine the whole scene where the girl finds out she is pregnant and tells the boyfriend/lover/whatever that she is with child to be slightly different for me. For instance, she would probably run to the closet and grab a coat hanger in an attempt to cleanse her body of the abomination that is growing.

I would like to have kids one day but it just seems to be far fetched. The whole concept of finding someone who would want to attempt to spend the rest of their life together with me is mind boggling. She would have to deal with random racial outbursts, yelling to get back in the fucking kitchen and my excessive use of the word cunt. What would be entertaining though is if some chick does have my kid in the baby oven, I would probably attempt to influence it right off the bat. You know how people put head phones on the pregnant woman’s belly and play classical music? Fuck that game, industrial will be played. That kid is going to kick his way out of the womb and be as metal as possible. Most likely would be a boy as my sperm would not allow me to have a girl. Kid would come out with a beard, cig in one hand and a glass of brandy in the other.

Depending on the current obsession I hold as the kid is growing up, I would try to mold him to end up a certain way. He wants a car when he turns 16? You gotta build it bitch. I would go find something that needs a serious amount of work and make him fix it up. Won’t get the ladies with a non running rusted pile of aids will ya, better get that engine rebuilt and a fresh coat of paint on it. Fucker would probably be lazy too, nothing a shock collar couldn’t fix. If he is doing bad in school I would beat him till his grades got better. Nothing like fear to motivate someone. Now that I think of it I really should work on getting a kid. If I can have a ton of kids I could build a small army. Then I could start my plans for world domination…

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No fuck you!

I just got a spam email with a subject that hit me hard. “You have little joy in life?” it said. I saw it and instantly went into a rage. Who the fuck does this piece of shit he is? I have joy in my life, I have more than enough joy! Actually it worried me, I franticly grabbed a piece of paper and started to write down the joys in my life:

  • The chicks ass from the “Dat Ass” post.
  • My penis.
  • My computer and game systems
  • …..

This is not going in my favour. Granted the joys in my life are pretty big to me, but the spambot was right, I have little joy in life. How the fuck could this have happened? I have to have more joys than this, I started to ramble off other body parts of the chick from the Dat Ass post, that probably should be consolidated to a single entry. I started to look through my facebook and other online profiles on forums, trying to find SOMETHING that I can consider a joy. Found my camera, added that. My cars, added those as well. The list was still small, I added my anger and perverse thoughts. Those are very valid joys in my life.

The list stopped growing after that. I started to panic, my co workers were already staring at me like I was possessed. One of them muttered “He is just sobering up. He will be fine when the shock wears off.”. My other co workers then agreed with him and did that whole, “Oh yeah, of course, damn alky” thing. I don’t know what is more disturbing, the fact that I was freaking out because of a spam message or that my co workers associated my panic attack to me sobering up and accepted that without flinching. Soon the waves of panic turned back to rage. I decided to respond to the message. I was going to inform that nosey cock sucker that I am content with my joys in life. So what if I consider some girls ass or my perverse thoughts a joy in life, you can go fuck yourself. You are nothing but a god damned bot or a beaten Asian child that is forced to write these things for pennies!

So fuck you spam message. You will not break me today, I will continue to live on just as I have!

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Computers breed violence.

That is all.

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Dat ass.

Friend was giving me shit about not having a new post up. Well, since I really don’t have anything to say that would be worthy of a blog post, I shall talk about her ass.

Her ass is what I would call a perfect 10. It’s firm, not too firm tho and just feels awesome when you squeeze it. The feel of my hand against her bare ass is beyond words. I could keep my hands on that ass forever and be content with life. When you give it a healthy slap it makes a wonderful sound, she does as well when she lets out a whimper of pain mixed with pleasure. The shape is amazing too, a nice round shape, not too big, not too small. Matched with her hips, it is a divine sight to behold. The thought of it makes me drool and become erect. If it wouldn’t ruin the beauty that it is I would brand it. Oh how the tone of her skin shines so nicely when the moon light hits it. I don’t have any pics for you guys so don’t ask, this one is all mine.

I can only imagine what she is thinking as she reads this. Probably a little disturbed, maybe a little wet. I guarantee that she won’t bug me about not making a post again though.

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Lights! Camera! Action?

I get alot of flak from friends about my camera. I bought a Canon XL1 last year and it happens to be a common camera used in the porn industry. People have this interesting perception of me as a perverted and offensive person, so they continually ask if I make porn with that camera. I can tell you right now that I would be the worst porn director in the world. First off I get bored easily if something isn’t peaking my interest. Now sex peaks my interest, except when its boring same old sex. I like getting my dick wet, but when it comes to porn it needs to be interesting. Also when I make videos I try to make shit that will grab the audiences attention. With porn you shouldn’t have to do much except have a chick getting railed, but in my world it needs to be more or I feel like I failed as a director.

One of the first acts would have to be rough sex. Now I don’t mean like rough give it to her hard rough. This bitch would need to have her hands tied behind her back and enjoy getting hit. Not everyone will enjoy this, but it will be so in your face action packed they wouldn’t be able to turn away. She would need to cry as well, make it look genuine, oh no shes being abused! Probably could add some whips in there, some hair pulling and nipple pinching to the point of almost ripping them off. OH, some choking as well, lack of oxygen enhances the sexual experience. Of course we would have to have some anal in there as well. She has to like anal, but not when it is inserted without her knowing and inserted with much force.

On to the music. Porn music is getting old. How many times can we listen to that same 70s style beat? I would add some industrial metal, get the mood on par with what is about to happen. Maybe some Ministry or Static-x, I guess I would have to try out a couple songs to see which fit the bill. The camera would also have to flow with the music. Imagine a matrix style fight scene without the bullet time and with sex. Pan from her getting it in the ass while being choked to her tear filled face. The guy would then have to say something like, “I told you I would make you cry your makeup off”.

So there you have it, a porn film by me would be 2 hours of violent sex, crying and out of place camera shots. I am sure there is porn like this already, but I haven’t found it. If I do, it will be added to the same collection as the bamboo stick scene.

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It’s 2:30 AM

Crown and Mountain Dew is pretty much an awesome drink. Seems like it isn’t helping me sleep tho..

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The importance of lubrication.

Today my friend asked me a question about lube. I guess she is going out with her fiancĂ©e without the kids so they want to have some fun. So I am going to take the time and let everyone know why lube is important for me when I am having sex, and it will hopefully answer some questions others had as well. I have a tendency to tease a girl, you know get her close then stop and change pace or positions. This leads to a lengthy sexual escapade. Despite the girls body’s attempt at self lubrication, it is usually not enough. She will usually complain about getting sore and then sex will end. Worse if she is tight then you start to experience the unpleasant feeling of cock rubbing against semi lubricated pussy walls. This leads to chaffing and other undesirable extras.

Now, add lube and you no longer have to worry about all of that. Also it gives you a good excuse to “accidentally” stick it in her ass. If you are pumping fast enough and hard enough lube will greatly increase the chances of “oops wrong hole” fun. If you are into using toys on her then its a must, not all synthetic materials go smoothly into a girls cunt. You want to make sure you try out the various types of lube out there. You have water base, oil base and silicone base lubes. There is probably more, but I only have experience with those 3. All are garbage except for the silicone ones. That shit is smooth as silk and stays that way for a long time. Only real downfall is that it’s water proof, so you have to use alot of soap with warm to hot water to get it off.

I don’t know if you can legally buy it in the US yet, I know at the time I ordered it you couldn’t. Good shit though, I suggest everyone try it out at least once.

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I regret every moment of your life.

Having a insanely hard time sleeping again. I have a feeling it’s related to either the caffeine or my addiction to things.

I have been debating for awhile to make a site dedicated to the various whores I have met, while I think this is a good idea I don’t think people will really want to see it. I don’t have that many nude pictures and I would have to get permission or something. Well, I don’t really need permission, but it would be a nice gesture. There seems to be a couple sites like that already, so there really is no point in me doing it. I also really need to get going on my own site instead of whatever I have up on it right now as a place holder.

One of my friends is proposing to his girl soon. He may have done it already, I can’t keep track of these things. I informed him that I need to be at least in the wedding party, if not the best man. I really really want to give a speech at this wedding. I don’t know what I would say, I wouldn’t even prepare for it. The only thing I would do as far as planning is to get as drunk as possible then stumble up to where the mic is. I will either offend everyone there or make a ass out of myself. I am OK with both of those, my buddy probably won’t be. Tough shit though, only weddings I will ever be at are other peoples. Got to make the most of it.

What I really need to do is convince them that its a good idea for the brides maids to be dressed like whores. That would make for the best wedding ever. I don’t give a fuck if your families don’t like it. I like it, that’s all that matters. What would be awesome as well is if they wore dog collars with a leash on them. I don’t know why, just would be. I have a feeling I’m going to die alone.

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Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-

Right now I am on the verge of breaking alot of things. Don’t come to me seeking help and then start yelling cause it still doesn’t work. If I knew what the fucking problem was I would have fixed it by now.

I need a drink right fucking now.

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You are now bound to my eternal hell.

Had a conversation with two friends about my various kinks. Bondage popped up and seemed to be a topic of interest. Now, you can’t just use any rope, I mean you can but not if you actually want to continue to use it. Best rope I have found is the Japanese silk bondage rope. Doesn’t leave marks and as long as you tie it right, it doesn’t hurt the woman you decided to violate. There are many ways to tie up your victim, I mean loved one, but we won’t go into that right now. I found the best use of this is when a girl is afraid to try something new. Anal sex for instance.

Now make sure her hands are bound tightly, you will be surprised at the strength a small framed girl can conjure when something is entering her asshole. A silicone based lube is also recommended, allows for a smooth penetration. You don’t have to worry about her legs that much, you should be able to hold those in whatever position you want. I would advise that you only try this after she has orgasmed at least once, she will then have a greater chance at enjoying the experience. Make sure you play with her pussy the entire time, don’t stick it in right away, slowly enter and play with the asshole. With her arms bound she has no choice but to focus on the new sensation. You want to make sure she associates anal with pleasure, not pain.

Another good use for bondage rope is getting her to shut the fuck up. Pretend you guys are going to have a night of wild experimentation. Make sure you have a gag ball for this one. Tie her up so she can’t walk around or retaliate. Gag her with the gag ball, then leave and go play video games or go out to the bar with the guys. Make sure she has used the bathroom prior to this, it can turn into a mess. This also has a tendency to end relationships, so make sure she is understanding, or stupid.

Maybe I will go into the various poses you can tie girls into as well as proper knots and techniques. I had one of the friends who I originally talked to about this express interest in helping me demonstrate this. I am not sure she knows what she is getting into. Not really my problem, I am sure she will like it after awhile or start crying and begging me to stop. Thinking about that is making me erect…

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It only bleeds for a little

This is it, the window into the mind that is me. Should be entertaining if it does not cause you bodily harm.