The lingering pain is normal.

I think tonight I will start doing the audio versions of my blog. We will see how well that turns out. I will probably end up crying in a corner cause I can’t get it right. I can only  imagine wow this wont work out for me.

The people here at my work bring me nothing buy joy and headaches. So much so that I believe I am going to make a web based TV show out of one of them. The shit he comes up with is so random and off the wall. I need to think of a good theme song. Something that I know he will hate and despise. He is not too happy about this idea it seems. Right now he is glaring at me while listening to his iPod. He seems upset that I paused it so I could ask him what his theme song should be. I will have to get some stuff recorded this week and see what I can come up with. He will probably just end up staring at the camera.

Till that happens, listen to Major Tom.

I had a conversation with a friend about my standards in women. Let me say one thing about it really quick, I masturbated to pregnant women and midgets last night. Now I don’t only go for women who are extremely attractive, but I don’t go for just personality either. There are alot of checks and balances that are involved in me choosing who I want to violate. Here is a quick rundown of my checklist.

1. Can I get erect from just looking at her or do I need to think of a hotter chick?
2. Does her self esteem need to be broken or built up?
3. How does she react to the crazy shit I talk about?
4. Is she willing to take it in the ass?
5. Is she willing to experiment with sex that is not the norm?
6. Is she allergic to rope?

That is just a very basic checklist that I go by. There are things like “Is she submissive?” and “Can she cook or do I need to beat her?” as well. The list is probably why I don’t end up with long term relationships most of the time. It takes me a couple of months to figure out if the checklist says Yay or Nay. Eventually there will be a girl who passes it, at least my penis hopes so.

On the way to work today I heard something absolutely hilarious. I guess there is a guy down in Missouri that is running for the US Senate as a write in and he is running a bunch of campaign ads. Now, these ads are extremely racist and the radio station has to play them by law. I may be racist at times but its usually in jest. This guy is just off the fucking wall insane. Here is 2 of the campaign ads.

here and here

This guy is so insane its funny. Sad part is that he will probably get a couple of votes. More and more I gain hope that I can start my political career.

Last night I was having issues sleeping, a 4 hour nap plus an awesome storm didn’t help either. While I was tooling around on the web a friend sent me a link to a cam whore that he was watching. I clicked it and started watching, I was expecting a good show since people usually don’t link me things unless they find it fucked up. What I ended up watching was not a good show at all. I was watching a girl sleep, along with 50 other people. Now I can semi understand a cam whores reason to get naked on cam. They either get off on it or they just love that kind of attention. What I really don’t understand though is why the fuck would you leave the cam on while you are sleeping? As I was watching this I notice that there was someone behind her moving around under the covers. My friend then informed me that her husband was there. Great, so I am watching some chick and her husband sleep. This was the most boring cam show in the fucking world. You could see one of her malformed tits, but that was it. My friend was telling me about how she is ugly as fuck and that her husband was getting all pissed cause he was trying to sleep. Seriously? You are getting mad cause you want to sleep, not cause your wife is being a whore for a bunch of people on the internet. Awesome.

I am still debating doing the audio version of the blog. I have had people tell me that it’s a good idea. I have a feeling they are expecting me to do it in the movie trailer voice. I might do one like that, it would be entertaining at least.

Also, this: http://www.youtube.com/user/shane12lee#p/u/498/yVeBPYjk0AA

Was a awesome weekend in terms of weather. Was able to enjoy a fire, grilling out and some drinks at a friends house. A question was asked, my friend wanted to know if a girl shat herself after I fucked her in the ass. After laughing for a good while I went into detail about it. I never experience a girl taking a shit after I fucked her, but I did have a girl start farting uncontrollably.  For some reason the conversation then turned to midget porn. I was talking about how that was one of the few porns I have not watched. That changed, 5 gigs of midget porn. I have to say it was entertaining but not as satisfying as I wanted it to be. It was a little bit of a let down.

I also found out that some of my friends don’t read my blog because they can’t read. I wish I knew this earlier cause I would have made fun of them more often. Turns out they want me to do a audio version of the blog. A book on tape if you will. I am still thinking about it, so if you think its a good or bad idea sound off in the comments.

I need to start thinking of creative wedding gifts as well. I really want to make these weddings something for everyone involved to remember. So either I need to do something absolutely retarded or get an awesome gift. I wonder how a full fledged bondage set would go over….

UPDATE

A friend said that I should do a video version instead of a audio version. This would probably just result in me masturbating on camera then uploading it.

Why the FUCK are you reading this?

Best Video Ever

The more and more I think about the chick with 3 tits the more I think of weird shit that I have watched in my life. I have personal experience with quite alot of fun stuff, ranging from bondage to putting things in a girls ass that would cause hemorrhaging. I can’t help but feel that I am missing out though, porn stars and drunk whores on the internet seem to be more adventurous than girls I find. I have yet to find a chick that gets of on being electrocuted, but I have seen a fuck ton of videos where they do. I feel as though I am being ripped off. I want to be able to jam my fist into a girls pussy and have her orgasm from it. I want to tie a girl up and suspend her from the ceiling and whip her till she gets off. Why do these girls exist only in porn or amateur videos!?!?

I will continue my search for this perfect girl. I doubt that I would marry her or date her for more than 5 months. I mean, its only a matter of time before that shit just gets really worn out and then it would no longer be fun to do that with her. I need to find a bunch of super kinky whores that I can rotate when I do things with them. I feel as though my life will be complete if this happens. Well, aside from dying inside due to only temporarily filling the emptiness in my soul with physical companionship. That doesn’t seem too bad now that I think about it.

Didn’t get everything that I wanted to get done this weekend. More importantly I didn’t get to even start on the anal violin. I really need to find a place that sells the emergency boxes for fire extinguishers. It’s a short work week this week, I will work on it during the 3 day weekend.

Sunday night I was surfing around the web looking for porn to download. I stumbled across the best thing ever, a porn with a chick who has 3 tits. You know how fucking amazing that would be? Three nipples to suck on! 3!!! I wonder if they are weighted slightly different so if she were to be on top, they would bounce differently. I don’t know if its fake or real, but I hope to god its real. That means women are finally evolving to a point where they can please men even more. Sure some guys might find it weird now, but give it time.

Oh, here is the link for some screenshots from the video. HIGHLY NWS

That’s right, its a video. I haven’t watched it yet, I want to make it a special moment for maybe a party. Everyone is drinking having a good time, then BAM! I stream that puppy on the PS3 and let everyone stare in amazement of the 3 tit lady! God DAMN I am extremely erect right now.

This weekend is full of things I need to do. Friends moving to a new place, friend needing a site redone with some awesome for when he launches his new shop and I need to drink. On my list is also to actually make the device that will be used in the anal violin. I will build a small enclosure similar to that of the “Break in case of emergency” boxes. I will put it in the living room so when random chicks come in and see it I get to explain what its for. That should go over well.

I can see them staring at it, afraid to ask what it’s for. I would then sneak up behind them and ask them if they like it. I would go into detail on how I hand crafted it from the finest materials known to man. If they question why there is bubble gun holding it together I will slap them. I would probably put my hand on their shoulder and start rubbing softly while I start to explain what its used for. Gradually squeezing harder as I start talking about pushing the pool ball into their ass with minimal lubrication is it doesn’t pop out easy.

I would then start breathing heavy as I explain why there is a guitar string on it. You know, maybe I should somehow rig up pickups on the thing and then see if I can make it into a legitimate musical instrument. I could go on tour with a bunch of whores and perform at strip clubs or some other adult entertainment businesses. Could get it so their moaning is also part of the act. Only thing that would suck is constantly changing whores. I can only imagine their assholes wearing out quickly and the balls just popping out on their own. Maybe I should devise a work out plan for their assholes to make it stronger…