The lingering pain is normal.

I have this strange obsession with talking about my previous sexual escapades. It will either entertain or mortify those who listen. The best is when there are females who don’t know me present. Tales of me violating women with toys that look physically impossible always stir them up. Recently, a female friend of mine who has never heard these stories stopped by. I don’t remember how we exactly got to that conversation, but it was entertaining non the less. The story is about a butt plug that me and a ex saw while at the local sex shop. When I saw it I was amazed. It was the biggest device that was meant to be inserted into someone that I have ever seen. My ex was horrified by it, I could tell that her asshole clenched tight enough to be able to crush rocks. The name of the beast was the Ass Blaster 3000.

It had to have been 5-6 inches in diameter, it looked like it would destroy anything that came into contact with it. Soon I realized there was a sale sticker on it. Upon further inspection I noticed that the package was already opened and taped up. That’s right, the ass blaster was on sale because it was a used item. This made my ex even more uncomfortable and she just walked away. No amount of convincing would get her to use that toy new, let alone used. The idea of someone buying the toy and then returning it made me laugh. I imagined some guy buying it for his girlfriend as a surprise bedroom gift. He was most likely beaten with it.

My friend did not respond the way I was imagining her to respond. Instead of being mortified she wanted to see a picture of it. We searched the web and it seemed that the toy was no longer in production. Still, I had to find something to put a visual in her head. Then I found this. Her eyes widen in fear, maybe a little excitement as well. At that point the conversation was done. We continued on to other things like drinking and working on websites.

Maybe one day I will find a girl that will let me use something like that on her. I don’t imagine the relationship carrying on much after that though, I don’t feel like dating a girl who has to wear diapers.

Last night was another late night for me. I seem to forget what time it is when I am doing things that are actually entertaining. I found a new site called tinychat.com. This site allows you to create a chat and simply pick a user name and go. Best part? They have webcam ability. What does that all add up to? I found some new cam whores. I forgot how much fun being anonymous was, as well as what girls who just met you would do for attention. This also meant I got absolutely nothing done on anything except for a temporary fill of the giant hole in my soul. I love whores.

I am still haunted by the modelling event. People continue to inform me that I missed a good time. What made matters worse was when I tried to make myself feel better by telling them I would have been kicked out by molesting models, my friend informed me that by the time the public was allowed in they were all so trashed I would have gotten away with it. Depression at that point sunk in hard. For about 2 hours I sat in a corner of my house, crying. Not many things make me cry, the things that do usually involve someone kicking me in the balls. I don’t know what it will take for me to feel better about missing that event, most likely the party this weekend. I hope to god whores are there.

In preparation for the party I have been accumulating various dance/club music from around the world. I believe I have talked about this before and how it is slowing destroying me on the inside. Now I have to mix em up into what I think would be the best for girls to dance to. Which is hard for me considering I don’t listen to this enough nor am I involved in any scene to know what gets the girls to be dirty on the dance floor. I usually just use some form of alcoholic beverage and some choice words to get them to start taking their clothes off. If music can accomplish this faster I think I am going to change the way I go about things. Don’t worry either, I will make sure to get pictures of the event and see if we can get some good enough to grace this page. Which means hopefully we can get boob or ass shots. If this event fails to produce, I might go into a coma.

My friend is dating a girl who is a model in the area. Last night there was a meet and greet for the models and the photographers, and I was invited. Did I go? No, I went and saw a movie instead. I figured it would have ended up with me at the bar drinking heavily and then yelling loudly at the models. I probably would have at one point attempted to take one of the models clothes off since that is something that I happen to do at parties. I also happen to know the guy who organized the event, since he works with me. So using the excuse that a guest list is in place would have been easily defeated. My friends girl called me today informing me that she met the guy I work with and was giving me shit for not going. My friend and a mutual friend of ours (jesus how many fucking times can I say friend) got access to the VIP section.

OK, now I am pissed. The fucking VIP section? GOD FUCKING DAMN IT, I should have gone.  One of the photographers there does the whole body paint thing. The girls get naked and they get painted and walk around like that. The more and more I think about this the more and more I want to kill myself. Well, maybe not myself. I will have to settle for someone else. I can only imagine the things that I would have done. I could have conned my friends girl to introduce me to some ladies, I tend to come off really creepy if I introduce myself. A man can never have too many whores and I decided not to go to a convention that was packed full of them. Never again will I make this mistake. Yes the movie was good and worth seeing, but whores? Whores are pretty much the only reason I exist in this world.

We are having another party soon, stripper poll was set up and I was put in charge of collecting music. They, being my friend and his girl, informed me that her model friends will be there. Perfect, time to load up on music that will make them want to take their clothes off. Maybe a little E as well, don’t know where I will get that just yet. A side effect to this has surfaced. I have caught myself listening to this music on my free time. I am not exactly one to listen to the whole dance/club music scene. I prefer something with guitars, massive bass riffs and some good drumming. So when I go sit down later today to play the guitar today I will attempt to heal myself. Otherwise I will probably try to make a cover of Lady GaGa or something. I think I just died a little inside when I typed that..

I think I will bring my bondage rope to the party. Hopefully I will find some chick passed out and willing. She will have a nice surprise when she wakes up.

Last night I saw The Book of Eli. It was a excellent movie and I left the theater satisfied for the most part. There is only one main gripe I have about the experience. The fucking douche nozzles behind us. Don’t like the movie? Fine, leave the fuck theater, bitch about it later or whatever you want. DO NOT start bitching about it during the movie though. Sorry that your mental capacity is that of a 2 year old and you can’t exactly comprehend whats going on. I don’t need to hear that bullshit and you should probably just go kill yourself right now. The movie had religious tones to it, but it pointed out the good and bad of it all. It’s not about religion but more of what it can do, what it did and how life would be if man destroyed the world. Hippies shut the fuck up right now about saving the planet before something like things happens. I will intentionally start the apocalypse by dropping as many nukes as I can on your fucking precious trees.

On to some other stuff. My friend posted up a picture on her Facebook the other day. It was a bear, in a cage, in the back of a pickup truck. I don’t know why, nor do I care. I want one now. I don’t know how I would take care of it, but that is besides the point. I want a bear running around my yard pissing off everyone. Oh? Your dog walked into my yard so he could take a shit in it and now he is dead. Sorry, probably should have kept a closer eye on your fucking dog. It would be entertaining to teach him to stand up on his hind legs on a log. You know how those people make the statues out of wood with the bears? Yeah, like that cept with a real bear. People would admire how life like it is, then it would eat them. I imagine after awhile I would have to put him down so he doesn’t come after me. I’ve always wanted a bear skin rug.

So if you happen to have a bear contact me, I would be willing to pay you with various things of value. They won’t be mine of course, but that doesn’t matter. Go see The Book of Eli, you will like it, unless you are fucking retarded.

I figured last night would be good, had all kinds of plans to be productive. Absolutely nothing got done, a headache that would kill a large badger crept up on me and assaulted me all night. Pain medication did very little to ease the pain. Franticly searching for a way to sooth the pain I loaded up some porn. Now, a major issue I have is that normal porn doesn’t do anything for me. The shit I did to ex-girlfriends and one nighters has pretty much set a bar that porn has to one up in order for me to feel a tingle in my balls. Thank god the internet provides the sickest porn out there. I got a couple texts from some ladies mainly bitching about something or wondering why I am ignoring them. Fuck you, I’m trying to masturbate since you won’t come over and suck my cock.

I head over to some some free video sites and head to their fetish section. Usually I will look for some bondage or some fisting. My favourite bondage scene had to be one where a girl was strapped to a table and fucked with a dildo attached to a bamboo stick. I watched that clip probably 500 times. Nothing new, I could not find something I have not seen before. At this point the headache was getting worse and I could feel the depression setting in. I have watched everything on the 6 or so sites I frequent for porn and now there is nothing for me to get off with. Thoughts started running through my head, ideas to help ease the pain. I thought of pulling a kung fu, but I didn’t have enough rope. At this point the headache was to the point where I couldn’t function normally.

I decided at this point it was time to take more drugs. I popped 5 more pain killers and downed a glass of brandy. I figured at this point it was best to go to sleep, this method has worked for me in the past to induce sleep so might as well try it again. Waiting for the magic concoction to kick in I started to read random forum posts. Nothing in the world makes me madder than a bunch of retarded ass-hats attempting to voice their insignificant opinions. No one fucking cares about your liberal point of view, go fuck a tree you god damned hippies. I do not give a fuck if the planet is dying or if some jackass thinks we need to have a smaller carbon footprint. Al Gore can go fuck himself and you can go shine his cock.

Rage was in full effect, I had to restrain myself from making a comment on the post due to the fact that I would probably end up typing like a 12 year old retarded kid having a seizure. I am pretty sure when I die, it will be due to the fact that I was pissed off and my body will just give up. Till then, I will have to make sure I am not under the influence of meds and alcohol when I read forums.

At times I get incredibly bored and start surfing the news outlets. Sometimes political based, entertainment based or just plain local news. I try to pay attention to things that I care about, like where the fuck my tax money goes. The recent disaster in Haiti has some people in uproar cause of the huge devastation and what certain people say about it. I read about Pat Robertson, the guy from the 700 club, making a comment about the people from Haiti making a deal with the devil. I couldn’t help but laugh at that thought. Imagining the entire country of Haiti converging together to make a pact with the devil to kick the French out of their country. On the other hand, if this is true I will be contacting the devil shortly to see if he can just wipe the French out completely. I fucking hate the French.

Deciding to read about something a little more uplifting than thousands of people dying I search for some funny/strange news. Now, I found something that slightly disturbed me. Mainly due to the fact that it seems like a retarded fucking thing to do. But here. Run down of the story, Fat black chick seems to be unhappy about a hamburger, wants a refund and doesn’t get it. She, in turn, trashes the place like a angry cow. How fucking pathetic are you to get mad about a god damn hamburger? I decided to search for the video and found it on youtube.

Shit like this just makes me laugh, it seems like the most retarded thing to be upset about let alone destroy a fucking McDonald’s. If you think about it thought, she might be good in construction. She would lose weight at least.

I can only hope we find out if the people of Haiti really did enter in a contract with the devil, I would like to add woman like the Hamburger lady to the list of things that need to go away.

I have a slight issue, or so I am told. Profanities are a very vital part of my vocabulary, it allows me to communicate with people who are stupid. Routinely I fire off words such as fuck, shit, whore, bitch, ass and my favorite, cunt. I have used that word so many times when talking to and about my various significant others, during and after the relationship. Those who know me often cringe when I meet new people. They often warn them about my forwardness, and my favorite word. I don’t get why its a bad word, not my fault if you take it the wrong way. Apparently it has gotten bad to the point where they know have a game they play with me. Every time I say it at a party I have to slam the drink I am drinking. which is bad cause the more drunk I am the more I say cunt. I figure whore and slut are alot more offensive words to women, that implies they are loose and like to sleep around. Which was already covered that they do or they want to at least. Where as cunt refers to the pussy, or vagina, depending on how much of a bitch you are when it comes to saying things.

So, now on to why this is semi relevant.

I was talking with one of the usual whores today, come to find out when I used that word it offended her. Needless to say I was shocked, I was pretty sure she heard me call her that several times at a party before. After explaining to her that I meant it in the most loving way possible, I demanded pics. Shortly after I receive 2 photos.

Wait a second, just got a text from a friend. He has informed me that he has proven my theory about cheating. It is now scientific fact, every woman is a cheating whore.

Now, girls, when you send a guy pictures of your tits and you happen to be using a cell phone, turn the fucking flash off and turn on a normal light. When you use that shitty light on your phone all it does is accentuate things on your body that do not make you look attractive.  Here (NWS) is an example, see that? Garbage, at least to my standards. It looks like you are about to be hit by a car. So go turn on the fucking lights and turn the flash off, like this (NWS). I made sure to inform her that if she ever sends me a picture of her tits like the first one, I am going to skull fuck her.

Woke up extremely late for work today, I guess falling asleep at 3 AM will do that to you. Didn’t get too much flak about it, but I imagine the higher ups are probably upset about it. Normal work bullshit flying around, nothing amazingly insane or out of the ordinary. My co-workers seem to make it a big deal though, like working a T1 or DS3 that is down is the hardest work in the world. At least we aren’t swinging hammers during the day when its 2 degrees out and then going out at night to suck some guy off to get crack.

While doing the various web bullshit I somehow manage to get involved into heated debates with other people who do the same thing. Most of the time it ends with me telling them to die by elephant rape or to be burned alive. Recently though, someone decided it was a good idea to take a jab at me for some work I did awhile back. I helped a friend redesign his website because the original one was, well, sub-par to put it nicely. I didn’t remove all of the items that he had previously, there was still things like a image gallery and whatnot that was still being used to an extent. Apparently it was not the newest version and was susceptible to a exploit that allowed someone malicious to write files to the webserver.

The server ended up being hacked, and pinpointed the issue to that image gallery. My friend moved the site off the server and I set him back up. The guy who had helped him previously and who owned the server was either not happy with me or wanted to try and place blame so he wouldn’t lose face. There was a thread on a local forum where I spend some time on that was about wireless security, the jackass gave his opinion and I gave mine while correcting him at the same time. That opened up a can of worms, he then made a snark comment about his server being hacked and that if I was a big time computer guy I would have known that the shit that was on the server was a risk.

Guess what you douche canoe, YOU SET THAT PART UP. It was there before me, so go fuck off. After I informed him in the typical manner of insults and facts, he tried to say that he was better in a round about way. Essentially he issued a challenge that no one could gain console access to his servers. Oh how I wanted to do it, to take down his so called websites and just ruin him. Something was holding me back though, I don’t know what it was cause I sure as fuck lack a conscience and morals. I think it was due to it sounding like a set up, didn’t like jail the first time why would I like it the second time. I still have his information though, maybe someone else would like to have some fun with it, or when I see him at the track later this year I will just punch him in the face.

Working on websites is not a easy feat for me. I get bored easily, and distractions seem to come at the worst times so I get nothing done. The worst of them all? When someone comes to me bitching about their “perfect” life. Sorry, I missed something, if you constantly hammer on about how awesome life is then why the FUCK are you bitching about it to me? Usually it has something to do with their relationship on how their significant other doesn’t give them enough attention or something. So they hop online and try to get attention somewhere else. In order to hold my attention for any extended period of time I need 1 thing. Naked pictures, tits are acceptable, full body shot preferred. Unless you are grossly over weight, then fuck off.

So usually it gets to a point where I just ignore them and constantly respond with “yeah”, “heh” or “nice”. They get the hint and finally leave me alone. This time was not the case, instead she kept going on and on and on about something. I can’t remember, I was too busy attempting to find a quick way to end my life to prevent this from happening again. Then it dawned on me, she goes on and on about her husband and how she is a good girl and blah blah blah. I haven’t jacked it yet today so why not try and get some naked pics for when its winding down time. Worst case she gets offended and leaves me alone, best case she sends pics and I help ruin a marriage a little bit at a time.

So I start to prod and ask about personal things. Get some info of what she likes to wear underneath her clothes. I start to get to her and it sounds like things are going to go my way. She talks about dirty things and getting naked. Win, that should have sealed the deal. Wrong, dead wrong. She started to talk about how she would bone me if I show up and her husband is gone. Great, so she is a hypothetical cheater. I have a strong belief that all women are hypothetical cheaters. In the right circumstances anyone would cheat, cause everyone likes sex. Unless your dead, or have morals, which is pretty much the same thing.

So here I am, no pics, nothing done on my websites, and some bitch talking about cheating if the moon was aligned properly with the Hubble telescope and the 4th moon of Juniper.

Fucking aids.

Sitting here at work I am pondering my next move in the giant game we call life. I have a friend who is close to me, meaning she is one of two people I can have a serious conversation with, who is going through some tough times. I have a tendency to attempt to help my friends when they are going through some tough times, but this one I don’t think I can be of any help. It is quite unsettling when my normal bag of tricks don’t work and I have to just take a step back and admit defeat. I don’t like to admit defeat, even if I know I am clearly in the wrong.

Working this job doesn’t help that either. More than not I am right and I win when it comes to dealing with customers. These pompous asshats will call up making demands. Demands. Who the FUCK do you think you are thinking you can make demands? Some overpaid retard who learned how to run a spybot program and plug some wires into a switch. Good fucking job jackass, welcome to 1st grade computers. It fills my heart with great joy when I get to knock them off their high horse.

Yesterday, a co-worker sent me a excerpt from a article at CNN. The article, here, talks about how the audience became depressed after watching Avatar. Seriously? You guys got sad cause you can’t live on some made up planet? Here, just fucking, here:

On the fan forum site “Avatar Forums,” a topic thread entitled “Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible,” has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope.

What. The. Fuck. There is a thread, on a forum, to help people cope with depression caused by a movie. A ANIMATED MOVIE. Then some jackass actually posted this:

“Ever since I went to see ‘Avatar’ I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na’vi made me want to be one of them. I can’t stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it,” Mike posted. “I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in ‘Avatar.’ “

OK, I can’t exactly comprehend what is going on here. Someone wanted to commit suicide, cause they thought they would be reincarnated on a place like Pandora. Awesome. You know, I am against social darwinism, the whole killing people cause they are stupid or have bad traits thing, but if I am in charge of that department, I am ALL for it.