The lingering pain is normal.

So I have been neglecting this lately. Sorry to anyone who somehow enjoyed what I wrote.

Lately I have been in this state of mind that renders me in odd moods. I seem to be very annoyed with everything I do and nothing is satisfactory. This links to the whole I hate myself almost as much as I hate hippies and apple products. Small things start to annoy me at first, like the way I walk through a door. I start thinking crazy thoughts like, “Seriously? Could I have done that any fucking slower? Jesus fucking Christ pull yourself together!”. My cat usually will greet me with meowing of either joy or pure hate, I have yet to figure out which one it is, and thus annoy the fuck out of me for that. I start yelling at the cat with but it has little effect on him. He just meows and ends up purring and rubbing against my leg. At that point I am pretty sure he is mocking me.

With a feeling of defeat I will usually end up needing to attack someone to make myself feel better. This involves me finding some poor high school kid that has shitty self esteem and is easily bullied. The internet is full of those types of people. I can then launch a full out attack on the poor soul. Nine times out of ten I can get everyone else that is playing the game on that server to join in. Sometimes the kid leaves right away, most of the time they stay and cry about it. Usually ends up in a awesome event that leaves me a little more empty on the inside than before I began.

The cat shows up again to demand attention. Usually in the form of mauling, I think that is the only way he knows how to show love and appreciation. He must have learned that from my previous relationships. With the emptiness inside me I again go on a search of something to feel better. The feeling of loneliness is usually very prominent at this point. I will hit up cam whores and see if I can get some kind of sense of fulfillment. Instead they decide to talk to me about life issues or how something funny happened to them lately. This makes me hate my life even more and I no longer yearn to talk to them.

So basically whores and making fun of people no longer peak my interest as of late. I think I am dying, my cat probably senses this and will be awaiting patiently so he can eat my eyes.