I get alot of flak from friends about my camera. I bought a Canon XL1 last year and it happens to be a common camera used in the porn industry. People have this interesting perception of me as a perverted and offensive person, so they continually ask if I make porn with that camera. I can tell you right now that I would be the worst porn director in the world. First off I get bored easily if something isn’t peaking my interest. Now sex peaks my interest, except when its boring same old sex. I like getting my dick wet, but when it comes to porn it needs to be interesting. Also when I make videos I try to make shit that will grab the audiences attention. With porn you shouldn’t have to do much except have a chick getting railed, but in my world it needs to be more or I feel like I failed as a director.

One of the first acts would have to be rough sex. Now I don’t mean like rough give it to her hard rough. This bitch would need to have her hands tied behind her back and enjoy getting hit. Not everyone will enjoy this, but it will be so in your face action packed they wouldn’t be able to turn away. She would need to cry as well, make it look genuine, oh no shes being abused! Probably could add some whips in there, some hair pulling and nipple pinching to the point of almost ripping them off. OH, some choking as well, lack of oxygen enhances the sexual experience. Of course we would have to have some anal in there as well. She has to like anal, but not when it is inserted without her knowing and inserted with much force.

On to the music. Porn music is getting old. How many times can we listen to that same 70s style beat? I would add some industrial metal, get the mood on par with what is about to happen. Maybe some Ministry or Static-x, I guess I would have to try out a couple songs to see which fit the bill. The camera would also have to flow with the music. Imagine a matrix style fight scene without the bullet time and with sex. Pan from her getting it in the ass while being choked to her tear filled face. The guy would then have to say something like, “I told you I would make you cry your makeup off”.

So there you have it, a porn film by me would be 2 hours of violent sex, crying and out of place camera shots. I am sure there is porn like this already, but I haven’t found it. If I do, it will be added to the same collection as the bamboo stick scene.

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