Sometimes when I get stuck in these lows I don’t know how to properly convey my thoughts of feelings about a subject to the person. Usually I will end up saying something or doing something that seems a little harsher than I intended. What sucks even more is knowing you do that, at that point it becomes increasingly harder to talk about it with the person due to not wanting to say the wrong thing. At that point I will usually just not say anything, that is usually worse than saying the wrong thing.

At this point I can imagine you guys going, “What the fuck, he is talking about serious shit.”. Yes I am, fuck off. Sometimes I need to just “talk” shit out via typing words into a website that people read mainly because I talk about whores. I won’t go into the current situation, as I am still trying to figure the whole thing out, but I will talk about a situation where I did the same thing. When I was younger and living with my parents I had 2 pet ferrets. These things rocked, they mauled shit and were entertaining. Well apparently the common cold is damn near instant death for these things. One of the ferrets caught this and started to get sick really fast. Fast forward to my mom freaking out and we end up at some emergency vet place. At this age I didn’t really know how to handle this situation, I was sad yet at the same time it was like, meh. So the vet finally came back and gave us the low down. It would take several months of rehab and meds for us to cure it or we could put it down.

The decision was made to put the animal down. My mom was in tears, she loved those animals, and was sad that she had to make the choice. The vet then informed my mom it would be 200 dollars to put it down. Something clicked in my head when I heard that. $200? Seriously? That just seemed retarded expensive to kill an animal. My mom was crying more, I felt that I needed to lighten the mood.

Bad idea.

Now remember, this was before I had any kind of control or any knowing of what I was doing when I would hit the different highs and lows. My mind had 2 things going through it. $200 dollars and say something funny to cheer my mom up. What I ended up saying was, “For that kind of money I might as well just take the thing out back and hit it with a hammer.”

Well, my mom stopped crying and the vet stopped talking. They stared at me with horrific expressions on their face. Like I just told them I was going to kill an animal or something. Oh wait….

My mom started crying even harder and the vet continued to glare at me. At this point I decided it was best for me to wait outside. My mom didn’t talk to me for quite a few days after that. That was the start of me figuring out why the hell I do shit like that.

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