The lingering pain is normal.

I get alot of flak from friends about my camera. I bought a Canon XL1 last year and it happens to be a common camera used in the porn industry. People have this interesting perception of me as a perverted and offensive person, so they continually ask if I make porn with that camera. I can tell you right now that I would be the worst porn director in the world. First off I get bored easily if something isn’t peaking my interest. Now sex peaks my interest, except when its boring same old sex. I like getting my dick wet, but when it comes to porn it needs to be interesting. Also when I make videos I try to make shit that will grab the audiences attention. With porn you shouldn’t have to do much except have a chick getting railed, but in my world it needs to be more or I feel like I failed as a director.

One of the first acts would have to be rough sex. Now I don’t mean like rough give it to her hard rough. This bitch would need to have her hands tied behind her back and enjoy getting hit. Not everyone will enjoy this, but it will be so in your face action packed they wouldn’t be able to turn away. She would need to cry as well, make it look genuine, oh no shes being abused! Probably could add some whips in there, some hair pulling and nipple pinching to the point of almost ripping them off. OH, some choking as well, lack of oxygen enhances the sexual experience. Of course we would have to have some anal in there as well. She has to like anal, but not when it is inserted without her knowing and inserted with much force.

On to the music. Porn music is getting old. How many times can we listen to that same 70s style beat? I would add some industrial metal, get the mood on par with what is about to happen. Maybe some Ministry or Static-x, I guess I would have to try out a couple songs to see which fit the bill. The camera would also have to flow with the music. Imagine a matrix style fight scene without the bullet time and with sex. Pan from her getting it in the ass while being choked to her tear filled face. The guy would then have to say something like, “I told you I would make you cry your makeup off”.

So there you have it, a porn film by me would be 2 hours of violent sex, crying and out of place camera shots. I am sure there is porn like this already, but I haven’t found it. If I do, it will be added to the same collection as the bamboo stick scene.

Crown and Mountain Dew is pretty much an awesome drink. Seems like it isn’t helping me sleep tho..

Today my friend asked me a question about lube. I guess she is going out with her fiancée without the kids so they want to have some fun. So I am going to take the time and let everyone know why lube is important for me when I am having sex, and it will hopefully answer some questions others had as well. I have a tendency to tease a girl, you know get her close then stop and change pace or positions. This leads to a lengthy sexual escapade. Despite the girls body’s attempt at self lubrication, it is usually not enough. She will usually complain about getting sore and then sex will end. Worse if she is tight then you start to experience the unpleasant feeling of cock rubbing against semi lubricated pussy walls. This leads to chaffing and other undesirable extras.

Now, add lube and you no longer have to worry about all of that. Also it gives you a good excuse to “accidentally” stick it in her ass. If you are pumping fast enough and hard enough lube will greatly increase the chances of “oops wrong hole” fun. If you are into using toys on her then its a must, not all synthetic materials go smoothly into a girls cunt. You want to make sure you try out the various types of lube out there. You have water base, oil base and silicone base lubes. There is probably more, but I only have experience with those 3. All are garbage except for the silicone ones. That shit is smooth as silk and stays that way for a long time. Only real downfall is that it’s water proof, so you have to use alot of soap with warm to hot water to get it off.

I don’t know if you can legally buy it in the US yet, I know at the time I ordered it you couldn’t. Good shit though, I suggest everyone try it out at least once.

Having a insanely hard time sleeping again. I have a feeling it’s related to either the caffeine or my addiction to things.

I have been debating for awhile to make a site dedicated to the various whores I have met, while I think this is a good idea I don’t think people will really want to see it. I don’t have that many nude pictures and I would have to get permission or something. Well, I don’t really need permission, but it would be a nice gesture. There seems to be a couple sites like that already, so there really is no point in me doing it. I also really need to get going on my own site instead of whatever I have up on it right now as a place holder.

One of my friends is proposing to his girl soon. He may have done it already, I can’t keep track of these things. I informed him that I need to be at least in the wedding party, if not the best man. I really really want to give a speech at this wedding. I don’t know what I would say, I wouldn’t even prepare for it. The only thing I would do as far as planning is to get as drunk as possible then stumble up to where the mic is. I will either offend everyone there or make a ass out of myself. I am OK with both of those, my buddy probably won’t be. Tough shit though, only weddings I will ever be at are other peoples. Got to make the most of it.

What I really need to do is convince them that its a good idea for the brides maids to be dressed like whores. That would make for the best wedding ever. I don’t give a fuck if your families don’t like it. I like it, that’s all that matters. What would be awesome as well is if they wore dog collars with a leash on them. I don’t know why, just would be. I have a feeling I’m going to die alone.

Right now I am on the verge of breaking alot of things. Don’t come to me seeking help and then start yelling cause it still doesn’t work. If I knew what the fucking problem was I would have fixed it by now.

I need a drink right fucking now.

Had a conversation with two friends about my various kinks. Bondage popped up and seemed to be a topic of interest. Now, you can’t just use any rope, I mean you can but not if you actually want to continue to use it. Best rope I have found is the Japanese silk bondage rope. Doesn’t leave marks and as long as you tie it right, it doesn’t hurt the woman you decided to violate. There are many ways to tie up your victim, I mean loved one, but we won’t go into that right now. I found the best use of this is when a girl is afraid to try something new. Anal sex for instance.

Now make sure her hands are bound tightly, you will be surprised at the strength a small framed girl can conjure when something is entering her asshole. A silicone based lube is also recommended, allows for a smooth penetration. You don’t have to worry about her legs that much, you should be able to hold those in whatever position you want. I would advise that you only try this after she has orgasmed at least once, she will then have a greater chance at enjoying the experience. Make sure you play with her pussy the entire time, don’t stick it in right away, slowly enter and play with the asshole. With her arms bound she has no choice but to focus on the new sensation. You want to make sure she associates anal with pleasure, not pain.

Another good use for bondage rope is getting her to shut the fuck up. Pretend you guys are going to have a night of wild experimentation. Make sure you have a gag ball for this one. Tie her up so she can’t walk around or retaliate. Gag her with the gag ball, then leave and go play video games or go out to the bar with the guys. Make sure she has used the bathroom prior to this, it can turn into a mess. This also has a tendency to end relationships, so make sure she is understanding, or stupid.

Maybe I will go into the various poses you can tie girls into as well as proper knots and techniques. I had one of the friends who I originally talked to about this express interest in helping me demonstrate this. I am not sure she knows what she is getting into. Not really my problem, I am sure she will like it after awhile or start crying and begging me to stop. Thinking about that is making me erect…

3 hours of sleep, and I am wide the fuck awake. I am probably dying inside. Stroll in to work early only to find out co workers aren’t coming in so I can’t leave early. Fucking awesome, I think I will have to stab them when they do decide to come into work. Seems that there are some issues in the south too, so now I have to talk to people. Great.

I don’t know if you have talked to people from the south, but they are fucking retarded. I know I might catch some flak from this, but they are fucking retarded. I have no idea how these people are capable of living. I am pretty sure the reason they have the accent they have, that whole southern drawl, is due to the fact that their brains are so fucking slow that they cannot properly talk. Yes I know your fucking website is down, you aren’t the only one. You are now just a number on a long list of people who are down. Stand in line and please shut the fuck up. It wouldn’t be so bad if they talked a little faster, cause some people call in that are not calling in due to some massive outage. Unfortunately it takes 20 FUCKING HOURS FOR THEM TO FUCKING EXPLAIN WHY THEY ARE CALLING.

I think I need a cig right now.

I am in complete distraught right now. The party was a good time, but no whores. Well, they showed up in the beginning of the party but then left to go get high, they never returned. A friend’s ex was there, I decided that she will have to receive the brunt of my anger. I yelled at her to make me a drink, she does so and I started drinking. I think she was trying to kill me cause for a first drink, it was retarded strong. After that i reluctantly decided that I should be the one making my drinks. As a joke some friends decided that they were going to bring some gifts for the owner of the house. This resulted in a toaster that was destroyed in the basement and some gold fish. We found out that goldfish do NOT like alcohol as much as I do. I found some pictures I must have took on my phone, I almost feel bad.

The party was for a friend that got out of jail recently. I kinda know him, not really that well. He was smashed well before the party even started. Messing with him was almost boring cause he was so drunk. I think the highlight of the night was when we were out smoking and he decided to join in on making fun of someone that he didn’t know all to well. The person he was making fun of was a good friend of mine and others that were at the party. He doesn’t really come to the parties due to how far away he lives. Well, the party boy was giving him shit and then said, “You know what, your chin looks like balls.”

Now, it’s not really offensive or anything but holy jesus. I couldn’t stop laughing. Our friend, he was not exactly too happy about the comment. He was about to punch the fuck out of the party boy. We somehow managed to prevent this while laughing at him. You guys reading may not exactly find why this is so funny. But my buddy is quick to resort to violence. I was pretty sure the party boy was going to die that night from blunt force trauma.

When we went back in the fish were gone. Apparently someone decided to be a humanitarian and put the fish out of their misery. I lost my drinking buddies, some cunt flushed them down the fucking toilet. How is that helping them? Not only did we have a lack of whores but my drinking buddies were murdered! Someone murdered them!

Side note, goldfish do not like 151, specially when you are trying to do a flaming shot.

I was even more distraught at this point. No whores, no drinking buddies and I gathered 160 gigs worth of dance music. I suffered through making sure the quality was right and that we had the new “hot” songs for everyone and no whores to dance like… well… whores to the music.

I am raging so bad right now, no one will be able to quell this. I think I need to go drink some more so I don’t break things.

No important post today. Big party tonight so I figured I will save it for tomorrow when I wake up from my alcohol induced coma.

Sometimes when I get stuck in these lows I don’t know how to properly convey my thoughts of feelings about a subject to the person. Usually I will end up saying something or doing something that seems a little harsher than I intended. What sucks even more is knowing you do that, at that point it becomes increasingly harder to talk about it with the person due to not wanting to say the wrong thing. At that point I will usually just not say anything, that is usually worse than saying the wrong thing.

At this point I can imagine you guys going, “What the fuck, he is talking about serious shit.”. Yes I am, fuck off. Sometimes I need to just “talk” shit out via typing words into a website that people read mainly because I talk about whores. I won’t go into the current situation, as I am still trying to figure the whole thing out, but I will talk about a situation where I did the same thing. When I was younger and living with my parents I had 2 pet ferrets. These things rocked, they mauled shit and were entertaining. Well apparently the common cold is damn near instant death for these things. One of the ferrets caught this and started to get sick really fast. Fast forward to my mom freaking out and we end up at some emergency vet place. At this age I didn’t really know how to handle this situation, I was sad yet at the same time it was like, meh. So the vet finally came back and gave us the low down. It would take several months of rehab and meds for us to cure it or we could put it down.

The decision was made to put the animal down. My mom was in tears, she loved those animals, and was sad that she had to make the choice. The vet then informed my mom it would be 200 dollars to put it down. Something clicked in my head when I heard that. $200? Seriously? That just seemed retarded expensive to kill an animal. My mom was crying more, I felt that I needed to lighten the mood.

Bad idea.

Now remember, this was before I had any kind of control or any knowing of what I was doing when I would hit the different highs and lows. My mind had 2 things going through it. $200 dollars and say something funny to cheer my mom up. What I ended up saying was, “For that kind of money I might as well just take the thing out back and hit it with a hammer.”

Well, my mom stopped crying and the vet stopped talking. They stared at me with horrific expressions on their face. Like I just told them I was going to kill an animal or something. Oh wait….

My mom started crying even harder and the vet continued to glare at me. At this point I decided it was best for me to wait outside. My mom didn’t talk to me for quite a few days after that. That was the start of me figuring out why the hell I do shit like that.